I have bad news for President Obama. Like Barney Frank getting dumped before the waiter could bring the next round of apple-tinis, the man-date is over. That is to say, whatever smidgeon of a mandate he may have had, real or perceived, has ended. The people who fell for his messianic bravado and empty platitudes like “Hope” and “Change” have gotten the bill for his “free lunch” and have no desire to let him call for take out again.
It’s hard to say whether it was a determination to truly wreak havoc on our country or if Mr. Obama actually believed he had the backing of every American to push decidedly leftist policies but he did. Despite his margin of victory being thinner than that low-carb bread my wife thought was a good idea he was not to be deterred. His Majesty used this, choke, choke, overwhelming support to push an agenda that even his pal Fidel Castro thought was a bit left of center. He started things off with massive spending bills that resulted in a few over-priced temp jobs and washed that down with the overtaking of the nation’s health and wellness that amounted to roughly 1/6th of our economy. Why stop there right? He nationalized a major automaker and the student loan industry so fast NASCAR pit crews would be amazed.
Having done all that the tuckered out Prez took a vacation or ten and waited for the results of all of his hard work to kick in…and it did! Well, not exactly the way he’d planned. The trillion dollar stimulus that was perfect for keeping unemployment under 8% failed miserably but who’s really gonna notice that on a national debt that was already so big? Or those few million people without jobs? And we can’t forget Obamacare, which is already starting to give us “benefits” like a spike in premium costs to offset pre-existing conditions like lazy dependent kids who can’t seem to move out by 26. I don’t need an entitlement for that I would pay heavily out of pocket to have those surgically removed by 21 at the latest.
At a recent rally for Democrat Russ Feingold, Michelle Obama begged voters for patience so the greatness of Obama’s reform can continue. As reported in the Sydney Morning Herald, the US First Lady poignantly said that “she felt the economic anxiety of hurting Americans”, but pleaded with them to give her husband more time to forge the change he promised. Why should we when even our reporters are losing jobs to foreigners? I think that’ll be about enough Mrs. O.
The elections are here, polls are coming in and it seems to be shaping up for a true mandate. One that will either take us off the path to the fairy tale land of Hope and Change or at the very least put a fork in the road and send Obama to Far, Far Away to dine with Shrek. It’s up to us now to send a loud message. Like they say in Chicago, vote and vote often.
Tim Wilkins is a nationally touring conservative comedian and radio host on WWPR 1490am in Bradenton, FL.
Showing posts with label Obama comedy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Obama comedy. Show all posts
Monday, October 18, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Sorry Virginia, there are no shovel ready projects
I must say I’m crushed…heartbroken…maybe even crestfallen. First some thugs on the schoolyard tell me it’s actually my parents leaving gifts under the tree and taking pretend bites out of the Christmas cookies. Then I find out that there really isn’t a mystical bunny rabbit that leaves candy in baskets of fake plastic grass Easter morning. Now I learn this?! President Obama has admitted to Peter Baker of the New York Times that the very premise of his trillion dollar stimulus was based on a myth! It brings me no great pleasure to tell you this if you haven’t heard already but, “I’m sorry Virginia, there is no such thing as a ‘shovel-ready’ project.”
I better go a step farther and say, “I’m sorry Virginia, Texas, Ohio, Michigan, etc., etc.” All across the 54 states, (thank you to our geography Professor Obama for the update on the state count), we were supposed to be feeling the explosive and almost instantaneous job growth provided by pumping hundreds of billions of dollars into the economy. Unfortunately that hasn’t quite worked out the way that Team Obama thought it might. Much like a sullen child waiting on his suitcase to be picked up for a custody weekend, millions of Americans are still sitting on those shovels. Why you ask? Because apparently there is no such thing as a project that is just camped out on the desk of some state or local builder just dreaming of an influx of cash from Obama’s stash. Apparently there is a process to this whole job and building thing that Mr. Obama didn’t have a strong working knowledge of. And why should he? As the oft brilliant Charles Krauthammer said on Fox, “Having never worked in the private sector he wouldn’t be sure what a project is and there isn’t a lot of shoveling at Harvard Law School.”
Therein lays the problem my friends, having never actually done anything except for organizing it’s hard for young Barry to really grasp what it takes to come up with a viable business concept, fund it, and see it to fruition. For those of you who voted for him last time and could even vaguely think of voting for him again, it’s a little thing called a resume that he is lacking. Oddly enough, that is the first thing many people look at when they consider hiring someone for a job. Prospective employers want to make sure you have some experience at the job you hope to hold or at least a foundation of knowledge from which to draw. Unfortunately there was no shovel-ready business class to pour that foundation for our current President.
So what do we have to show for almost half a trillion dollars spent and still rising unemployment? It looks as though that was the cost of putting up signs across the concrete arteries of this country to explain that Obama is responsible for the traffic you are sitting in. Before we pass anymore bills to see, as Nancy Pelosi said, “What’s in them”, let’s get a few people up there that actually have a bit of experience shall we?
Oh, and Mr. President, you are sure to be receiving a lump of coal in your stocking this year I just want you to know where that coal comes from. You see, there’s this thing called a company, they put their money at risk to buy equipment and hire workers…aw never mind, you won’t get it.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Green Jobs meet red tape as Obama debuts world’s most expensive caulk job
Just one year later and 90,000 jobs short, the green continues to flow out of DC as Team Obama tries to stimulate our economy. This time the well intentioned but ill-conceived Weatherization Program has not sealed homes with anything more than red tape. As well, the scant few homes that have been made more weather resistant have cost over $57,000 per job. One would think for that kind of cash the Feds could have built entire homes around the existing ones to provide the ultimate in protection. But alas the White House says the program is right on target. After all, they can dance with numbers like it’s a musical routine on Sesame Street. They claim that the amount of homes completed in 2009 was not intended to be the total but the correct portion for that year as an amount over the 4 years of the program. HUH? Even that bastion of liberal thought, ABC News, relayed that number as being 1.5% of the amount promised.
On closer inspection there seems to have been a number of procedural ‘mis-steps’ made by Reid and Pelosi. It appears they overlooked a little thing like the Davis-Bacon rule for equitable pay for federal projects. This took not only the whole year to sort out but is causing the project to be way over budget which must of course be why it’s so expensive to shore up these homes…the workers are getting rich! (I’d love to hear from them about the fat cash they’re making.)
What went wrong you ask? Well it seems the Bill was thrown hastily and haphazardly together like a drunken late night shopping spree. If you’ve ever had a few too many and meandered in to the grocery store you know what I mean. You end up spending a lot of money and have nothing to show for it. You wake up without eggs and bread and get stuck eating Little Debbie’s and Bagel Bites for breakfast. It has to make you wonder…if something as simple as weather stripping a few hundred thousand window sills is such a monumental task are these the people we want taking care of our medical needs? Keep your caulk away from me Barack.
On closer inspection there seems to have been a number of procedural ‘mis-steps’ made by Reid and Pelosi. It appears they overlooked a little thing like the Davis-Bacon rule for equitable pay for federal projects. This took not only the whole year to sort out but is causing the project to be way over budget which must of course be why it’s so expensive to shore up these homes…the workers are getting rich! (I’d love to hear from them about the fat cash they’re making.)
What went wrong you ask? Well it seems the Bill was thrown hastily and haphazardly together like a drunken late night shopping spree. If you’ve ever had a few too many and meandered in to the grocery store you know what I mean. You end up spending a lot of money and have nothing to show for it. You wake up without eggs and bread and get stuck eating Little Debbie’s and Bagel Bites for breakfast. It has to make you wonder…if something as simple as weather stripping a few hundred thousand window sills is such a monumental task are these the people we want taking care of our medical needs? Keep your caulk away from me Barack.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Frequent Profiler Program
Frequent Profiler Program
For the last 12+ years I have flown a lot… but I guess that’s a matter of perspective. For some ‘a lot’ of travel could mean a couple times a year, for me that has meant flying a couple times a week. In 1998 I started working for a major cruise line and while traveling to many of the ports of call, racked up a lot of frequent flier miles. Those miles I was accruing resulted in countless upgrades to first class and made what could have been a brutal amount of wear and tear on my body almost livable. Then, September 11th, 2001 arrived. I had to travel 3 days later so I listened for the travel advisories with no idea what would come next but wanting to be prepared for anything. The first directive to come down was get to the airport extra early. I got up 3 hours early for my flight which at the time had me up around 3am. Bleary eyed I dragged myself through check-in, took the tram to the other side for security and got in the new lines that made the ones at Disneyland look like, well, a day at an amusement park. I wove through the ropes in a mass of humanity with the same feeling corn must get in the small intestine. The big shock though was about to happen. I was exhausted and through most of the line I had been staring at my feet. When I got to the front of what was now the ‘pre-screening area’ I was confronted with a voice asking to see my ticket and ID. A middle eastern voice! My immediate thought was, “ No you cannot! Can I see yours?” After all, I had been deputized by Dubya to be vigilant. The first order of the day as far as I could see was weed terrorists out of the ranks of TSA!
That day was my first glimpse at the future of travel and travel security in the age of politically correctness. Over the next 9 years more plots would unfold that would add challenges to travel. Soon after was the ‘shoe bomber’. Ever since then the great unwashed masses have been exposing their nastiest appendages while their shoes are x-rayed for bomb materials. I don’t know what making sure they are devoid of explosives accomplishes, most of the shoes coming off have enough stench and disease on them to eat a hole in a fuselage. (And while we cry about the cost of airport security I have no idea why Odor Eaters hasn’t been made the official sponsor of the screening area?)
Next some knucklehead decided to put liquid explosives in his carry-on. Now we can’t bring enough shampoo or cologne on our trips to smell decent. That’s dumb, that used to be one of the ways you could tell the difference between a traveler and a terrorist, the stench. Not to mention the cottage industry that has become selling 4 dollar bottles of water on the other side of security because you can’t even bring beverages with you! (Price gouging Congress? I think so!) And why can’t the terrorists ever make a bomb out of something we don’t want to fly with, like a screaming baby? If just one jihadist would shape some C-4 like a screaming brat we wouldn’t have to fly with them anymore. You would have to gate check them and they could fly underneath with the luggage. I digress.
As a knee jerk reaction to make us ‘feel’ better the government has created a new multi-billion dollar agency and created a myriad of rules that really do nothing but stroke our tummies and tell us everything is going to be okay. The reality remains that while 10 people barely qualified to roll back prices at Wal-Mart gather around Gramma’s overnight bag to tell her that she can’t take her V05 and Pond’s night cream on the flight because it’s 3.2 ounces, while Ali Baba and his thieves are stowing their luggage in the overhead and sharpening a seatbelt in to a shank. Why? Because we can’t profile! Dare we call a spade a spade (nothing racial here, for the sake of argument we’ll call it an entrenching tool ). We know what terrorists look like and they’re not snowbirds from Indiana en route to their trailer sabbatical in south Florida. They’re not young families dressed in Mickey Mouse ears either. They might even be American but they are of a certain ‘descent’ with a certain ‘appearance’. Are you following this TSA? Obama administration? We are not Kevin Bacon on a roof looking for hidden tremor monsters underground, the enemy has a definite look, look for it! You’ve asked us to be vigilant, is it too much to ask for you to do the same?
So far the best the Obama administration can come up with is, “the system worked”. The ‘system’ had a crack in it and that crack was stuffed with explosives. We should be damn grateful Oprah wasn’t the underwear bomber, she would have been less inept and would have had a lot more explosives hidden. So what system were they talking about? Apparently the same one that stopped Richard Reid…the bravery and good sense of the traveling public. Some Dudley Do-Right business flyer probably eye-balled Nigerian Umar like my five kids eye the last piece of pizza, just waiting to pounce. Thankfully he did spring to action before the fizzle of the fuse made it past the taint to the boom-boom.
All of this brings me to a point, it looks like it's still up to us. The right to keep some bare arms that can be used to knock down threats as they come up. I’m not saying we go from vigilant to vigilante but I got news for you fellow fliers, I’m watching you. If I see so much as Paula Abdul acting suspicious on a flight it’s time to say, “Let’s Roll!”
For the last 12+ years I have flown a lot… but I guess that’s a matter of perspective. For some ‘a lot’ of travel could mean a couple times a year, for me that has meant flying a couple times a week. In 1998 I started working for a major cruise line and while traveling to many of the ports of call, racked up a lot of frequent flier miles. Those miles I was accruing resulted in countless upgrades to first class and made what could have been a brutal amount of wear and tear on my body almost livable. Then, September 11th, 2001 arrived. I had to travel 3 days later so I listened for the travel advisories with no idea what would come next but wanting to be prepared for anything. The first directive to come down was get to the airport extra early. I got up 3 hours early for my flight which at the time had me up around 3am. Bleary eyed I dragged myself through check-in, took the tram to the other side for security and got in the new lines that made the ones at Disneyland look like, well, a day at an amusement park. I wove through the ropes in a mass of humanity with the same feeling corn must get in the small intestine. The big shock though was about to happen. I was exhausted and through most of the line I had been staring at my feet. When I got to the front of what was now the ‘pre-screening area’ I was confronted with a voice asking to see my ticket and ID. A middle eastern voice! My immediate thought was, “ No you cannot! Can I see yours?” After all, I had been deputized by Dubya to be vigilant. The first order of the day as far as I could see was weed terrorists out of the ranks of TSA!
That day was my first glimpse at the future of travel and travel security in the age of politically correctness. Over the next 9 years more plots would unfold that would add challenges to travel. Soon after was the ‘shoe bomber’. Ever since then the great unwashed masses have been exposing their nastiest appendages while their shoes are x-rayed for bomb materials. I don’t know what making sure they are devoid of explosives accomplishes, most of the shoes coming off have enough stench and disease on them to eat a hole in a fuselage. (And while we cry about the cost of airport security I have no idea why Odor Eaters hasn’t been made the official sponsor of the screening area?)
Next some knucklehead decided to put liquid explosives in his carry-on. Now we can’t bring enough shampoo or cologne on our trips to smell decent. That’s dumb, that used to be one of the ways you could tell the difference between a traveler and a terrorist, the stench. Not to mention the cottage industry that has become selling 4 dollar bottles of water on the other side of security because you can’t even bring beverages with you! (Price gouging Congress? I think so!) And why can’t the terrorists ever make a bomb out of something we don’t want to fly with, like a screaming baby? If just one jihadist would shape some C-4 like a screaming brat we wouldn’t have to fly with them anymore. You would have to gate check them and they could fly underneath with the luggage. I digress.
As a knee jerk reaction to make us ‘feel’ better the government has created a new multi-billion dollar agency and created a myriad of rules that really do nothing but stroke our tummies and tell us everything is going to be okay. The reality remains that while 10 people barely qualified to roll back prices at Wal-Mart gather around Gramma’s overnight bag to tell her that she can’t take her V05 and Pond’s night cream on the flight because it’s 3.2 ounces, while Ali Baba and his thieves are stowing their luggage in the overhead and sharpening a seatbelt in to a shank. Why? Because we can’t profile! Dare we call a spade a spade (nothing racial here, for the sake of argument we’ll call it an entrenching tool ). We know what terrorists look like and they’re not snowbirds from Indiana en route to their trailer sabbatical in south Florida. They’re not young families dressed in Mickey Mouse ears either. They might even be American but they are of a certain ‘descent’ with a certain ‘appearance’. Are you following this TSA? Obama administration? We are not Kevin Bacon on a roof looking for hidden tremor monsters underground, the enemy has a definite look, look for it! You’ve asked us to be vigilant, is it too much to ask for you to do the same?
So far the best the Obama administration can come up with is, “the system worked”. The ‘system’ had a crack in it and that crack was stuffed with explosives. We should be damn grateful Oprah wasn’t the underwear bomber, she would have been less inept and would have had a lot more explosives hidden. So what system were they talking about? Apparently the same one that stopped Richard Reid…the bravery and good sense of the traveling public. Some Dudley Do-Right business flyer probably eye-balled Nigerian Umar like my five kids eye the last piece of pizza, just waiting to pounce. Thankfully he did spring to action before the fizzle of the fuse made it past the taint to the boom-boom.
All of this brings me to a point, it looks like it's still up to us. The right to keep some bare arms that can be used to knock down threats as they come up. I’m not saying we go from vigilant to vigilante but I got news for you fellow fliers, I’m watching you. If I see so much as Paula Abdul acting suspicious on a flight it’s time to say, “Let’s Roll!”
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Torture...what torture?
The media wants to drone on about torture lately, I'll tell you what's torture...endless channels of 24 hour news. Not just 24 hour news, but agenda filled, left-leaning drivel that is nothing more than Obama talking points described as objectivity. They're not even hiding it well anymore. News organizations used to be like those drag queens, the ones that you couldn't tell were dudes and looked good...you know, crying game hot. You looked twice and after you finished having lurid thoughts you realize what you've done. CNN and PMSNBC now is like those broad shouldered cross dressers in strapless gowns. Only the Mr. Magoo types or those that are still under the spell of the Kool-Aid could possibly still be falling for it. And realistically, there's the same amount of news to be reported as there was in Cronkite's day, about an hour. Half an hour of local and half an hour of national.
Anyway, on to the torture talk. So the administration gives two CIA agents the Doogie Howser and outs them and there's no outrage?! Scooter Libby has been using soap on a rope for a lot less than that. These CIA agents oversaw a program to 'torture' terror suspects that may have led to the saving of thousands of innocent American lives. But that info can't be released. Instead we have to hear about how inhumanely these nice vacationers were treated on the Gitmo Spring Break. Waterboarding? Puh-leez! Haven't any members of the Senate ever been wakeboarding? You're drunk, your buddies driving the boat are drunk and you practically drown the entire day. Heck, waterboarding is just a wedgie away from a good day at a waterpark. And insects? Ever stay at a Super 8 Motel? Between the bedbugs, 1/2 ply toilet paper and 15 thread count sheets, now that's torture! While I'm at it, why is Cuba a good enough vacation spot for Obama to want to normalize relations but not nice enough for our prisoners? Seriously, have you ever seen the wide shot of the prisons? Crystal blue water, white sands, sunshine. Most spots that nice would have high crime and over-priced drinks, their stay is all-inclusive! Makes me want to get captured in the Pashtun mountains in my "Die America" T-shirt.
All I'm saying is that we need somebody, somewhere, in some form of the media that still believes in all that 'journalistic integrity' that their college professor taught. That is, as long as their professors weren't Keith Olbermann or Chris Matthews.
Anyway, on to the torture talk. So the administration gives two CIA agents the Doogie Howser and outs them and there's no outrage?! Scooter Libby has been using soap on a rope for a lot less than that. These CIA agents oversaw a program to 'torture' terror suspects that may have led to the saving of thousands of innocent American lives. But that info can't be released. Instead we have to hear about how inhumanely these nice vacationers were treated on the Gitmo Spring Break. Waterboarding? Puh-leez! Haven't any members of the Senate ever been wakeboarding? You're drunk, your buddies driving the boat are drunk and you practically drown the entire day. Heck, waterboarding is just a wedgie away from a good day at a waterpark. And insects? Ever stay at a Super 8 Motel? Between the bedbugs, 1/2 ply toilet paper and 15 thread count sheets, now that's torture! While I'm at it, why is Cuba a good enough vacation spot for Obama to want to normalize relations but not nice enough for our prisoners? Seriously, have you ever seen the wide shot of the prisons? Crystal blue water, white sands, sunshine. Most spots that nice would have high crime and over-priced drinks, their stay is all-inclusive! Makes me want to get captured in the Pashtun mountains in my "Die America" T-shirt.
All I'm saying is that we need somebody, somewhere, in some form of the media that still believes in all that 'journalistic integrity' that their college professor taught. That is, as long as their professors weren't Keith Olbermann or Chris Matthews.
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