Let them eat Humble Pie!

The left is in the third leg of their full-scale “cry-atholon” today and frankly, I LOVE IT! I remember being in their shoes when the messiah Obama was chosen two years ago. I sat quietly by while they did their end zone dances and “in-your-face” moves but now it’s our turn. Suck it up lefties and belly up to the bar for another slice of humble pie.
I’ve heard just about everything, from TV to radio, blogs and Facebook “friends” I haven’t gotten around to deleting yet, the resounding theme among them is bewilderment. They can’t begin to imagine how so many could be influenced by the hate-mongers on the right. How could we possibly want to return to the so-called “failed agendas” that got us in to this mess? They also want to us to know that we have exactly the same 18 months to prove ourselves that we gave poor President Obama. Let me brief you depressive Dems on where you went wrong and where the system went right.
The left pushed policies that they knew where unpopular, and they were warned, but chose instead to look down their noses because they knew what was better for us. What they learned last night is that this is a representative republic and thus when they were elected their job was to represent their constituents. They did not.
As for being guided by “fear” and “hate” you would have to be totally blind to the things President Uniter himself has called anyone who disagrees with his policies over the last 18 months. When you are someone who once proudly wore the uniform of this country being referred to as the “enemy” is kind of divisive and hateful wouldn’t you say? Not to mention a lot of the other things he and all the democratic candidates have said about what the right would do if they regained power.
With regard to failed agendas of the past and the 18 months He has had to fix them, I seem to recall the Dems being in charge of the House and Senate for the two years before Obama took over. If they weren’t behind the wheel on the way in to the “ditch” they were holding the map. Since then however they haven’t gotten a tow rope or called AAA, they’ve just tried to cover the car in dirt and blame the driver. Sorry, but my parents would have taken my keys away too. So the moral here is that it wasn’t just a year and a half and they were Democratic agendas that were failing!
The last thing for my sullen socialists to remember is that while you may think this is the end of the world, take comfort in the fact that someone far smarter than you foresaw this sort of thing centuries ago. A bunch of true patriots sitting around in powdered wigs drinking Sam Adams Pale Ale (I’m assuming of course) figured out that breaking the government in to branches that could keep the others in check would be a good thing. Last night we put that power in check.
I don’t care what all of the crying, sniping lefties in my world are saying today about how the change in the balance of power is a natural occurrence; I’m taking a victory lap! And now back to my jubilation already in progress...

Tim Wilkins is a nationally touring comedian and talk radio host on WWPR 1490 in Tampa, FL.

The end of Hope and Change...thank goodness!

I have bad news for President Obama. Like Barney Frank getting dumped before the waiter could bring the next round of apple-tinis, the man-date is over. That is to say, whatever smidgeon of a mandate he may have had, real or perceived, has ended. The people who fell for his messianic bravado and empty platitudes like “Hope” and “Change” have gotten the bill for his “free lunch” and have no desire to let him call for take out again.
It’s hard to say whether it was a determination to truly wreak havoc on our country or if Mr. Obama actually believed he had the backing of every American to push decidedly leftist policies but he did. Despite his margin of victory being thinner than that low-carb bread my wife thought was a good idea he was not to be deterred. His Majesty used this, choke, choke, overwhelming support to push an agenda that even his pal Fidel Castro thought was a bit left of center. He started things off with massive spending bills that resulted in a few over-priced temp jobs and washed that down with the overtaking of the nation’s health and wellness that amounted to roughly 1/6th of our economy. Why stop there right? He nationalized a major automaker and the student loan industry so fast NASCAR pit crews would be amazed.
Having done all that the tuckered out Prez took a vacation or ten and waited for the results of all of his hard work to kick in…and it did! Well, not exactly the way he’d planned. The trillion dollar stimulus that was perfect for keeping unemployment under 8% failed miserably but who’s really gonna notice that on a national debt that was already so big? Or those few million people without jobs? And we can’t forget Obamacare, which is already starting to give us “benefits” like a spike in premium costs to offset pre-existing conditions like lazy dependent kids who can’t seem to move out by 26. I don’t need an entitlement for that I would pay heavily out of pocket to have those surgically removed by 21 at the latest.
At a recent rally for Democrat Russ Feingold, Michelle Obama begged voters for patience so the greatness of Obama’s reform can continue. As reported in the Sydney Morning Herald, the US First Lady poignantly said that “she felt the economic anxiety of hurting Americans”, but pleaded with them to give her husband more time to forge the change he promised. Why should we when even our reporters are losing jobs to foreigners? I think that’ll be about enough Mrs. O.
The elections are here, polls are coming in and it seems to be shaping up for a true mandate. One that will either take us off the path to the fairy tale land of Hope and Change or at the very least put a fork in the road and send Obama to Far, Far Away to dine with Shrek. It’s up to us now to send a loud message. Like they say in Chicago, vote and vote often.

Tim Wilkins is a nationally touring conservative comedian and radio host on WWPR 1490am in Bradenton, FL.

Sorry Virginia, there are no shovel ready projects

I must say I’m crushed…heartbroken…maybe even crestfallen. First some thugs on the schoolyard tell me it’s actually my parents leaving gifts under the tree and taking pretend bites out of the Christmas cookies. Then I find out that there really isn’t a mystical bunny rabbit that leaves candy in baskets of fake plastic grass Easter morning. Now I learn this?! President Obama has admitted to Peter Baker of the New York Times that the very premise of his trillion dollar stimulus was based on a myth! It brings me no great pleasure to tell you this if you haven’t heard already but, “I’m sorry Virginia, there is no such thing as a ‘shovel-ready’ project.”

I better go a step farther and say, “I’m sorry Virginia, Texas, Ohio, Michigan, etc., etc.” All across the 54 states, (thank you to our geography Professor Obama for the update on the state count), we were supposed to be feeling the explosive and almost instantaneous job growth provided by pumping hundreds of billions of dollars into the economy. Unfortunately that hasn’t quite worked out the way that Team Obama thought it might. Much like a sullen child waiting on his suitcase to be picked up for a custody weekend, millions of Americans are still sitting on those shovels. Why you ask? Because apparently there is no such thing as a project that is just camped out on the desk of some state or local builder just dreaming of an influx of cash from Obama’s stash. Apparently there is a process to this whole job and building thing that Mr. Obama didn’t have a strong working knowledge of. And why should he? As the oft brilliant Charles Krauthammer said on Fox, “Having never worked in the private sector he wouldn’t be sure what a project is and there isn’t a lot of shoveling at Harvard Law School.”

Therein lays the problem my friends, having never actually done anything except for organizing it’s hard for young Barry to really grasp what it takes to come up with a viable business concept, fund it, and see it to fruition. For those of you who voted for him last time and could even vaguely think of voting for him again, it’s a little thing called a resume that he is lacking. Oddly enough, that is the first thing many people look at when they consider hiring someone for a job. Prospective employers want to make sure you have some experience at the job you hope to hold or at least a foundation of knowledge from which to draw. Unfortunately there was no shovel-ready business class to pour that foundation for our current President.

So what do we have to show for almost half a trillion dollars spent and still rising unemployment? It looks as though that was the cost of putting up signs across the concrete arteries of this country to explain that Obama is responsible for the traffic you are sitting in. Before we pass anymore bills to see, as Nancy Pelosi said, “What’s in them”, let’s get a few people up there that actually have a bit of experience shall we?
Oh, and Mr. President, you are sure to be receiving a lump of coal in your stocking this year I just want you to know where that coal comes from. You see, there’s this thing called a company, they put their money at risk to buy equipment and hire workers…aw never mind, you won’t get it.

I hate hate speech!

It’s the height of the political ‘silly season’ as our supreme leader has announced. Silly in this case meaning any discourse that dares disagree with his policies. To boot is the silly season of political rallies and fundraisers that try to appeal to each specific demographic. My generation started the fire with MTV’s ‘Rock the Vote’ which was a thinly veiled version of ACORN with a better soundtrack. The effort was to use the celebrity of rockers from all musical genres but with one common goal, getting a democrat in office.

Fast forward to Barack Obama, who when needed, proclaims himself the first black President. Along with finally breaking the color-coated glass ceiling comes the luxury of getting to pick the music on the First iPod as well as attending whatever acts grace the stages of the get-out-the-vote efforts of his day. This presidential luxury has led to bringing in the star power of hip-hop’s latest one hit wonder, The B.o.B. I know, I know, you’re saying WHO?? and feeling older by the second for not keeping up with the times. Nonetheless, the B.o.B. has quite a set of lyrics that run the gamut from toe-tapping to downright offensive to people of all colors. That apparently didn’t dissuade President Obama from not only attending but speaking at the event.

Interestingly, at the DNC event, President Obama likened the need for patience to wait for his change to save us all to the wait for slavery to be abolished. This at an event where the musical headliner readily drops the word most associated with the pain caused by slavery. We are talking about the ‘n-word’, could there be any other?

Make no doubt about it the ‘n-word’ is very offensive, as is any word that is narrowed down to just one letter. The first one I learned was the dreaded ‘f-word’. Of course since then I've learned about going through the big D, divorce. I've filed the big B to wipe away my debts, but nothing carries quite the same weight as the ‘N-word’. I understand the offensive nature of the word and the painful history that comes with it, which is why I don't understand why it's ever acceptable and why the very group that was denigrated by it chooses to make it a term of endearment. Even worse is how people on the ‘d-side’ of the electoral aisle can pick and choose what constitutes hate according to their political needs. Regardless of color or politics one would think that’s something we could all get behind, let’s hate hate speech!

We have to have to understand that words have meaning for all people or we need to be totally insensitive to words, which the PC police would never allow. Either way we need to make sure that crimes of offensive speech have the same punishment. (See also Harry Reid)

And while we’re at it, could we please return a little class to the office of the President? I get it, you’re younger and hipper than other Presidents but could you maybe have that massive staff we’re paying for flip through the discology of the people with you on stage for filth? It’s a bunch of B.S. that you didn’t know…

Self-Care Reform

Self-Care Reform
After watching the 24 hour news coverage of the health care debates and protests last week I have come to one conclusion about where the blame lies for much of the costs of healthcare in America. No it’s not the insurance companies who routinely raise costs to hedge against losses. It’s not big pharma who charges seemingly huge amounts for drugs to cover the costs of past and future testing. It’s the populace at large…and I mean LARGE! As they panned the floor of the House one thing rang consistent, the people shaping our laws are way out of shape. The protesting crowds fared no better, the angry masses were just that, masses. One of the major costs associated with tending to our growing population is the way that we’ve been growing, fatter by the day.
We are fast becoming the fattest nation on Earth in what has been consistently referred to as the ‘Obesity Epidemic’. Sure there are those with true pre-existing conditions who will benefit from the health care reform but they are the exception to the rule. For the majority, their inability to bypass immediate gratification in the form of Super-sized burgers, fries, and stuffed crust pizza with unlimited breadsticks is leading to a whole host of expensive medical needs from heart disease to Type 2 diabetes, and more. We’ve gotten too lazy to shop, cook, or even walk in to a restaurant. We just drive-thru and eat on our stomachs like hungry sea animals. The Senate is trying to close the donut hole in Medicare coverage while the rest of the donut is being crammed down the gullets of a people hypnotized by a sign reading, “Hot and Fresh Now!”
We have become a nation of victims crying out for someone to come to our aid when personal responsibility fails us. When we are caught in the tractor beam that sucks us in to McDonald’s we scream for lawmakers to clamp down on the oils they use. “Oh, it couldn’t be the sheer amount of garbage we feed ourselves, it must be the fault of some partially hydrogenated trans-gender peanut oil right?” screams John Q. as their doctor executes a third triple bypass like it’s a gold medal event. “It couldn’t be the fault of the people to make good choices it must be their lack of education. We just need to put on better warning labels! That worked for cigarettes right? HA! HA!” says Big Brother as they pander for our approval. Mark my words on this one, the government getting involved in anything is not going to make things better, it never does.
My prescription is simple, put down the junk food and get active. Cutting calories will cut costs for you and everyone else. You won’t just add years to your life but you’ll add life to your years. To the protesters I say, stay angry on both sides by marching vigorously for at least 20 minutes a day, 4 days a week. As you progress in your dissent for life’s injustices, carry heavier signs, changing arms frequently. If your cause du jour gets taken care of find something that is worth marching for. For all others there will be a cigarette vigil on the steps of the Capitol. Those coming by bus are asked to bring extra lighters to supply those traveling by plane.

My Bromance with Paul Ryan

My Bromance with Paul Ryan
After watching the so-called ‘Health Care’ summit that was undoubtedly sponsored by the good people at Tylenol PM, I came away with two things; President Obama’s arrogance and hubris know no bounds and I am developing a slight Bromance for Paul Ryan. I say this with no desire to change my affiliation to Log Cabin Republican, but instead it is a political man-crush like the generation before claims to have had for the Kennedys.
Congressman Ryan has a quickly growing list of political battles he has fought and won recently on behalf of the American people, in and out of his district. As I think of these tick marks in his ‘W’ column, they grow in mythological worth and take the shape of the of the announcement of a champion knight entering the jousting arena…”And yea, did he defeat Barack the Mighty by standing firm on the hill, and thus did he face down mighty the Slaughter of which a rule was so named, and in turn did he take his chart of facts and stand on his beliefs on that mighty Sunday against Wasserman Schultz from the land of sun and sand.” You get the picture.
Alas, all of these stands Brave Sir Paul has made to beat back the lies and deceits of the Socialist agenda appear to be for naught. This latest round included his appearance on Fox News Sunday replete with what was referred to as his “Ross Perot” chart, as it was colorful and full of honest, common sense… which is generally frowned upon by the media. It would appear that exposing Team BO’s creative math claims that their plan would save $138 billion over ten years to the reality of spending over $600 billion to the negative is wasted breath. Regardless, thank you Paul Ryan for fighting the good fight. Time to put down my signs and ease up on the blogging…I need to go find a way to make slightly less money, work on my diet and exercise, I don’t want to have to visit Dr. Obama...or pay for anyone elses.

The Most Ethical Congress in history! Really…I swear!

The hits to the Dems keep a comin’ as yet another TWO prominent House members fall from grace. Just a few short years after Speaker Pelosi gave the campaign promise on the mount to “Drain the swamp” and bring us “The Most Ethical Congress in history” the quantity of scandal and greed is piling up pretty high. Of course we know from Nancy herself that, “Lot’s of things get said out on the campaign trail.” Oh how I wish we could power our cars and factories on the political snake oil we were sold at the ’06 mid-terms!
It appears that Congressman Rangel is having is Ways and Means gavel wrangled from him as he is finally taken down on the technicality of not claiming some past corporate perks. This is akin to Al Capone going up river for tax evasion. How quickly we are shown the shiny object that is the svelte and sexy Charlie splayed out in his Caribbean beach chair in hopes that we will soon forget there are scores of other charges pending. From ill-gotten and underreported rental gains to various other misappropriated funds the man who decided how we should be taxed found a big box next to his name that said ‘exempt’. Sorry Charlie, time to start redistributing your wealth too.
As well it appears today that Representative Eric Massa, also from the great state of New York will be turning tail and not running claiming medical difficulties. Initial reports cite that he is deathly allergic to scandal. There are rumors circulating that he sexually harassed a male staffer. Apparently Madam Speaker, it was fun to cast judgment when the offendee was a Republican (Larry Craig) but people in glass toilet stalls shouldn’t throw stones.
All this on the heels of quite a few other scandals that have been conveniently swept under the rug by the ‘mainstream’ media, such as Rep. Jefferson-LA, who borrowed a few of the extra life-saving vehicles during Katrina to retrieve the bribe money in his fridge.
It appears that when you drain the swamp all you are left with is scum. Will the last honest house member please do the eco-friendly thing and turn out the lights when you leave?

Green Jobs meet red tape as Obama debuts world’s most expensive caulk job

Green Jobs meet red tape as Obama debuts world’s most expensive caulk job

Just one year later and 90,000 jobs short, the green continues to flow out of DC as Team Obama tries to stimulate our economy. This time the well intentioned but ill-conceived Weatherization Program has not sealed homes with anything more than red tape. As well, the scant few homes that have been made more weather resistant have cost over $57,000 per job. One would think for that kind of cash the Feds could have built entire homes around the existing ones to provide the ultimate in protection. But alas the White House says the program is right on target. After all, they can dance with numbers like it’s a musical routine on Sesame Street. They claim that the amount of homes completed in 2009 was not intended to be the total but the correct portion for that year as an amount over the 4 years of the program. HUH? Even that bastion of liberal thought, ABC News, relayed that number as being 1.5% of the amount promised.
On closer inspection there seems to have been a number of procedural ‘mis-steps’ made by Reid and Pelosi. It appears they overlooked a little thing like the Davis-Bacon rule for equitable pay for federal projects. This took not only the whole year to sort out but is causing the project to be way over budget which must of course be why it’s so expensive to shore up these homes…the workers are getting rich! (I’d love to hear from them about the fat cash they’re making.)
What went wrong you ask? Well it seems the Bill was thrown hastily and haphazardly together like a drunken late night shopping spree. If you’ve ever had a few too many and meandered in to the grocery store you know what I mean. You end up spending a lot of money and have nothing to show for it. You wake up without eggs and bread and get stuck eating Little Debbie’s and Bagel Bites for breakfast. It has to make you wonder…if something as simple as weather stripping a few hundred thousand window sills is such a monumental task are these the people we want taking care of our medical needs? Keep your caulk away from me Barack.

Green Jobs meet red tape as Obama debuts world’s most expensive caulk job

Just one year later and 90,000 jobs short, the green continues to flow out of DC as Team Obama tries to stimulate our economy. This time the well intentioned but ill-conceived Weatherization Program has not sealed homes with anything more than red tape. As well, the scant few homes that have been made more weather resistant have cost over $57,000 per job. One would think for that kind of cash the Feds could have built entire homes around the existing ones to provide the ultimate in protection. But alas the White House says the program is right on target. After all, they can dance with numbers like it’s a musical routine on Sesame Street. They claim that the amount of homes completed in 2009 was not intended to be the total but the correct portion for that year as an amount over the 4 years of the program. HUH? Even that bastion of liberal thought, ABC News, relayed that number as being 1.5% of the amount promised.
On closer inspection there seems to have been a number of procedural ‘mis-steps’ made by Reid and Pelosi. It appears they overlooked a little thing like the Davis-Bacon rule for equitable pay for federal projects. This took not only the whole year to sort out but is causing the project to be way over budget which must of course be why it’s so expensive to shore up these homes…the workers are getting rich! (I’d love to hear from them about the fat cash they’re making.)
What went wrong you ask? Well it seems the Bill was thrown hastily and haphazardly together like a drunken late night shopping spree. If you’ve ever had a few too many and meandered in to the grocery store you know what I mean. You end up spending a lot of money and have nothing to show for it. You wake up without eggs and bread and get stuck eating Little Debbie’s and Bagel Bites for breakfast. It has to make you wonder…if something as simple as weather stripping a few hundred thousand window sills is such a monumental task are these the people we want taking care of our medical needs? Keep your caulk away from me Barack.

Greenies $ee Green…but not the bright light of common sense!

As the latest info from the front in the war against the Chicken Little Enviro crowd comes in, the cacophony of laughter from the irony is rolling across the country. It not only appears that Global Warming is a farce (at the very least man-made GW) but that the do-gooders who strapped themselves into the dork mobile known as the Prius were ‘risking’ their lives at an…ahem…greater pace than from the 50 year threat of rising tides and warming winds. Apparently the Green crowd is suing Toyota for some big green because their 100hp Prii are accelerating wildly out of control resulting in soft tissue damage. First and foremost, the words Prius and acceleration should never be in the same sentence. Even if Whole Foods was having a mega sale on Patchouli and Birkenstocks I don’t think a Prius could make the trip with any more speed than a fat kid on a big wheel going uphill on an icy street. Next, I think much of the ‘soft tissue’ damage already existed between the ears of the Hybrid crowd. Last but not least, while they can’t seem to abandon the failed notion that all of the data they’ve been fed about the warming doom has been a scam, they are quick to ditch the car and it’s maker that gave them the chance to be a part of something bigger. Let’s just hope they put the class in ‘class action’ and carpool to the lawsuit rather than fly.

Finally real stimulus for the economy…Lobbyist money!

The figures are in for the money spent on lobbying last year and while it’s a mere five percent increase that equates to $170 million dollars on the total 3.7 billion spent overall. It might not seem like much if you are bandying those numbers around like Dr. Evil holding the world for ransom, but when you consider where that money goes it is staggering. All of that money of course goes to a good cause eventually, a top notch chef, the waiter who served the meal, the trucker who delivered the supplies to the restaurant, etc., so obviously it doesn’t make any sense to cut this off. Regardless, there’s finally an industry in America that is growing! The Healthcare bill and maybe even the so-called “Stimulus Package” may have actually saved or created some jobs!
If you are one of the many that thinks lobbying means standing in the foyer of an elected official waiting to change his mind about upcoming legislation, you would be wrong. Lobbying has become the process of pedaling influence in the form of thinly veiled bribes. Be it through skyboxes for sporting events, access to the Big Pharma jet, or a never-ending supply of top shelf martinis, lobbying to sway opinion has turned in to a game of ‘Pimp my Congressman’. The average American who still has a job is glad for that, even if it came with a cut in pay, yet our elected officials are never without a yearly cost of living increase while spending more time ‘at recess’ than a poorly run day care center. And although I can cry crocodile tears at the hundred thousand dollar pittances Senators make, it is all the ‘perks’ from the lobbies that make living the DC ‘Cribs’ lifestyle so attractive.
I point this out not to rail against lobbyists or the process of lobbying in general. I’m merely trying to draw attention to the extravagant lives our Pols live, and to remind you that money, one way or another, comes out of our pockets. And for an administration that is bent on doing away with the culture of corruption and influence, they sure have no problem bellying up to the open bar. As well we certainly can’t ever get rid of the lobbying process, how would Washington ever know which way to cast their vote? The government just needs to quit making bad guys out of lobbyists when their glasses and tummies are full.

Al Gore should come shovel my driveway!

I look outside and it’s snowing again so let me start this with a bit of honesty. I don’t believe in global warming. I especially don’t believe that it is man-made. For millennia temps have risen and fallen. At one point the earth was covered in ice. We know this because we have films of it. Ray Romano roamed the earth with a Sabertooth tiger looking for colder climates and John Leguizamo annoyed us as much a million years ago as he does today. Seriously, we have evidence that ice was everywhere and somehow melted long before factories, cars, and the fluorescent bulb existed. Glaciers have shifted like an over-sized guy in a middle seat on a 4 hour flight since the dawn of time. The ice in Alaska has broken off for generations and the native people have a term for the sound it makes that roughly translates to ‘white thunder’. They didn’t just create that line so an Eskimo could get his SAG card during ‘Inconvenient Truth’.
As a kid I remember the cover of Time magazine warning of the coming ice age if we didn’t act now. One of the main things we needed to do was reduce emissions and cut back on using our dwindling fossil fuels. Sound familiar? Ah but that wasn’t scary enough to forward the environmentalist agenda was it? We weren’t impressed so they changed it to global warming and talked about coming floods, fires, starvation, locusts, dogs and cats living together!
Now more and more evidence is coming out that we have been duped! While Big Al is flying around the globe telling us to conserve fuel he’s raking in the dough on his faux ”cash for carbon credits” program. Before I go on to carbon credits let’s not forget to cover the hypocrisy of flying around a private jet to warn of a carbon-caused doomsday. That’s like Magic Johnson holding an orgy for AIDS awareness. Just recently, hundreds of private jets and thousands of limos converged on Copenhagen to decide the policies that could save us all. Step one, travel less. Duh! Aside from chaos and confusion, do you know what fell on their meetings…snow! More snow in fact than had been seen in that area in quite some time.
I’m rambling a bit but the reality of what we’re being fed is about as meaningful as the relationships on the Bachelor. The recent email scandal that showed collusion and cover-up, the sensors that were lost and data created until they were found and proven incorrect, and now the finding the melting of the glaciers was hacked from some Indian kid’s book report should be enough to knock off all the hype for a while! We have to chill the warming hysteria as the countless lies given to us could easily destroy our economy and the economies of developing nations. And for what, to stroke the misguided guilt of the Birkenstock crowd?
Yes we need to cut emissions for the sake of a cleaner world in which to live. Yes we need to recycle for a number of reasons and of course we need to keep our waterways clean for countless reasons too. But until we can prove without a doubt that the Earth is warming and it is being done by man we need to be careful about how drastic our reactions are. And one last thing, if Al Gore can’t stop lying to the world and at least living his talk, he needs to come up to Minnesota and shovel my driveway. The snow in my yard is deeper than the BS he’s been feeding us the last 10 years.

Al Gore should come shovel my driveway!

I look outside and it’s snowing again so let me start this with a bit of honesty. I don’t believe in global warming. I especially don’t believe that it is man-made. For millennia temps have risen and fallen. At one point the earth was covered in ice. We know this because we have films of it. Ray Romano roamed the earth with a Sabertooth tiger looking for colder climates and John Leguizamo annoyed us as much a million years ago as he does today. Seriously, we have evidence that ice was everywhere and somehow melted long before factories, cars, and the fluorescent bulb existed. Glaciers have shifted like an over-sized guy in a middle seat on a 4 hour flight since the dawn of time. The ice in Alaska has broken off for generations and the native people have a term for the sound it makes that roughly translates to ‘white thunder’. They didn’t just create that line so an Eskimo could get his SAG card during ‘Inconvenient Truth’.
As a kid I remember the cover of Time magazine warning of the coming ice age if we didn’t act now. One of the main things we needed to do was reduce emissions and cut back on using our dwindling fossil fuels. Sound familiar? Ah but that wasn’t scary enough to forward the environmentalist agenda was it? We weren’t impressed so they changed it to global warming and talked about coming floods, fires, starvation, locusts, dogs and cats living together!
Now more and more evidence is coming out that we have been duped! While Big Al is flying around the globe telling us to conserve fuel he’s raking in the dough on his faux ”cash for carbon credits” program. Before I go on to carbon credits let’s not forget to cover the hypocrisy of flying around a private jet to warn of a carbon-caused doomsday. That’s like Magic Johnson holding an orgy for AIDS awareness. Just recently, hundreds of private jets and thousands of limos converged on Copenhagen to decide the policies that could save us all. Step one, travel less. Duh! Aside from chaos and confusion, do you know what fell on their meetings…snow! More snow in fact than had been seen in that area in quite some time.
I’m rambling a bit but the reality of what we’re being fed is about as meaningful as the relationships on the Bachelor. The recent email scandal that showed collusion and cover-up, the sensors that were lost and data created until they were found and proven incorrect, and now the finding the melting of the glaciers was hacked from some Indian kid’s book report should be enough to knock off all the hype for a while! We have to chill the warming hysteria as the countless lies given to us could easily destroy our economy and the economies of developing nations. And for what, to stroke the misguided guilt of the Birkenstock crowd?
Yes we need to cut emissions for the sake of a cleaner world in which to live. Yes we need to recycle for a number of reasons and of course we need to keep our waterways clean for countless reasons too. But until we can prove without a doubt that the Earth is warming and it is being done by man we need to be careful about how drastic our reactions are. And one last thing, if Al Gore can’t stop lying to the world and at least living his talk, he needs to come up to Minnesota and shovel my driveway. The snow in my yard is deeper than the BS he’s been feeding us the last 10 years.

Frequent Profiler Program

Frequent Profiler Program
For the last 12+ years I have flown a lot… but I guess that’s a matter of perspective. For some ‘a lot’ of travel could mean a couple times a year, for me that has meant flying a couple times a week. In 1998 I started working for a major cruise line and while traveling to many of the ports of call, racked up a lot of frequent flier miles. Those miles I was accruing resulted in countless upgrades to first class and made what could have been a brutal amount of wear and tear on my body almost livable. Then, September 11th, 2001 arrived. I had to travel 3 days later so I listened for the travel advisories with no idea what would come next but wanting to be prepared for anything. The first directive to come down was get to the airport extra early. I got up 3 hours early for my flight which at the time had me up around 3am. Bleary eyed I dragged myself through check-in, took the tram to the other side for security and got in the new lines that made the ones at Disneyland look like, well, a day at an amusement park. I wove through the ropes in a mass of humanity with the same feeling corn must get in the small intestine. The big shock though was about to happen. I was exhausted and through most of the line I had been staring at my feet. When I got to the front of what was now the ‘pre-screening area’ I was confronted with a voice asking to see my ticket and ID. A middle eastern voice! My immediate thought was, “ No you cannot! Can I see yours?” After all, I had been deputized by Dubya to be vigilant. The first order of the day as far as I could see was weed terrorists out of the ranks of TSA!
That day was my first glimpse at the future of travel and travel security in the age of politically correctness. Over the next 9 years more plots would unfold that would add challenges to travel. Soon after was the ‘shoe bomber’. Ever since then the great unwashed masses have been exposing their nastiest appendages while their shoes are x-rayed for bomb materials. I don’t know what making sure they are devoid of explosives accomplishes, most of the shoes coming off have enough stench and disease on them to eat a hole in a fuselage. (And while we cry about the cost of airport security I have no idea why Odor Eaters hasn’t been made the official sponsor of the screening area?)
Next some knucklehead decided to put liquid explosives in his carry-on. Now we can’t bring enough shampoo or cologne on our trips to smell decent. That’s dumb, that used to be one of the ways you could tell the difference between a traveler and a terrorist, the stench. Not to mention the cottage industry that has become selling 4 dollar bottles of water on the other side of security because you can’t even bring beverages with you! (Price gouging Congress? I think so!) And why can’t the terrorists ever make a bomb out of something we don’t want to fly with, like a screaming baby? If just one jihadist would shape some C-4 like a screaming brat we wouldn’t have to fly with them anymore. You would have to gate check them and they could fly underneath with the luggage. I digress.
As a knee jerk reaction to make us ‘feel’ better the government has created a new multi-billion dollar agency and created a myriad of rules that really do nothing but stroke our tummies and tell us everything is going to be okay. The reality remains that while 10 people barely qualified to roll back prices at Wal-Mart gather around Gramma’s overnight bag to tell her that she can’t take her V05 and Pond’s night cream on the flight because it’s 3.2 ounces, while Ali Baba and his thieves are stowing their luggage in the overhead and sharpening a seatbelt in to a shank. Why? Because we can’t profile! Dare we call a spade a spade (nothing racial here, for the sake of argument we’ll call it an entrenching tool ). We know what terrorists look like and they’re not snowbirds from Indiana en route to their trailer sabbatical in south Florida. They’re not young families dressed in Mickey Mouse ears either. They might even be American but they are of a certain ‘descent’ with a certain ‘appearance’. Are you following this TSA? Obama administration? We are not Kevin Bacon on a roof looking for hidden tremor monsters underground, the enemy has a definite look, look for it! You’ve asked us to be vigilant, is it too much to ask for you to do the same?
So far the best the Obama administration can come up with is, “the system worked”. The ‘system’ had a crack in it and that crack was stuffed with explosives. We should be damn grateful Oprah wasn’t the underwear bomber, she would have been less inept and would have had a lot more explosives hidden. So what system were they talking about? Apparently the same one that stopped Richard Reid…the bravery and good sense of the traveling public. Some Dudley Do-Right business flyer probably eye-balled Nigerian Umar like my five kids eye the last piece of pizza, just waiting to pounce. Thankfully he did spring to action before the fizzle of the fuse made it past the taint to the boom-boom.
All of this brings me to a point, it looks like it's still up to us. The right to keep some bare arms that can be used to knock down threats as they come up. I’m not saying we go from vigilant to vigilante but I got news for you fellow fliers, I’m watching you. If I see so much as Paula Abdul acting suspicious on a flight it’s time to say, “Let’s Roll!”